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Highlights

  • Just not doing ‘the thing’ is not enough
  • All negative behavior is a result of our unmet needs
  • We need to create a personal infrastructure that shifts our energy and focus

The Opposite of Addition is Connection

To break a habit, you have to make a habit. You must do something else. That’s not just a cute cliché. That’s one of the challenging lessons that I have sometimes in my one-on-one coaching is, okay, yeah, you’ve got to track that. That’s one metric in how often you’re not doing the thing. That’s an important one, but if it’s the only one, you’re going to fail because your success in not doing the thing is a function of you doing something else.

So, what are you doing? What are some of those ‘something else’ things?

Now, if I ask you when’s the last time you did the thing or how often you’ve done the thing over the course of the past 30 days, some of you can recite a, like you’re giving a presentation at work, ‘I did this, I did this, I did that.’

And then when I ask what else are you focusing on?

What else are you doing?

What are you doing instead?

You’ve got nothing.

Here’s the reality. All of our behavior is a function of our unmet needs. So, if you just stop doing the thing, it’s going to be hard and it’s going to suck. For some of you, this compulsive behavior is literally the only thing in your life that is exciting; looking at naked chicks on the internet.

So I have this little skit that I’ve prepared when men call and they have nothing in response to that second question.

“Hey, Craig, my name’s Steve, and I’ve been sober for three months, been sober for six months, been sober for a year.”

“Oh, my god, Steve, congratulations. You must feel so wonderful about yourself. I am so amazingly proud of you, and here you are calling me to celebrate, to share. Did I have anything to do with this?”

And, I go on and on and on. You’re great. You’re wonderful. You’re super. You should be so proud. Your family must be so proud. I can only imagine what you’re accomplishing in your life.

Then poor Steve, finally, as he tries to interrupt, because you guys know I can talk, “Excuse me, no, no, that’s not what I … shut up! Shut up, Craig! My life fucking sucks.”

I’m not trying to make light. But you’ve got one life.

You’re going to die.

Memento Mori!

I’m not trying to make light of it but I’m trying to drive home the point.

Your success is not a function of what you don’t do. It’s a function of what you do do.

What’s the opposite of addiction?

There’s a great TedTalk called “Everything You Think You Know About Addiction Is Wrong” by Johann Hari. In that 15 minute talk, he says something profound. He says, “the opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety. It’s connection.”

Connection!

Think about that.

Connection to what? Who?

Connection to others and connection to yourself!

How? You have to create a system.

As much energy as you’re giving to breaking a habit, double it for making a new habit. Create metrics for yourself as you build. The most important thing that I teach, one-on-one, online, personally, friends, family, is personal infrastructure. You have to learn to proactively manage your mind, body, spirit, and relationships.

Personal Infrastructure

Think about what you are doing to make your life better.

One of the exercises that I teach is the Happiness Index. Okay, and that’s when essentially guys measure their performance in 6 key areas of our lives. On top of that we tack on the Fundamental Five, That’s five things you must be doing well consistently to be successful.

I’ve have never had a man come back and said, “Craig. I am breathing fire on my Fundamental Five on a regular basis and my life sucks.”

The actions you take is the life you make.

To break a habit, you have to make a habit.

So what are you going to do to counterbalance the negative behavior? That’s your personal infrastructure, and that really, on a macrolevel, means to break a habit, you’ve got to make a habit.

Make a habit.

I want to, like, say it over and over again to impress upon you that your success comes from feeding the right wolf!

Which Wolf Are You Feeding?

So, let’s examine how you’re doing. Let’s revisit this happiness index that I talk about. So, what I’d like you to do over the course of the next seven days is grade your performance in your fundamental five; eating, sleeping, drinking, exercise and mindfulness.

Grab a pen and write this down.

Create a report card.

Before we make a habit let’s see how are you performing in these five fundamental areas.

Some of you, over complicate this. You’re spending just an inordinate amount of time focusing on not doing the thing, so let’s grade your performance in these five key life areas and see how you’re doing and let’s use the following scale.

Four is you’re very happy with your performance.

Three is you’re happy with your performance.

Two is you are unhappy with your performance.

One is very unhappy.

There is no such thing as average. You can not rate an area at 2.5!

You are either moving towards success or away from success. You are either moving towards love or you are moving away from love.

This middle ground bullshit has got to go.

Create a report card for yourself and grade your performance in these following areas: Eating, sleeping, drinking, exercise and practicing mindfulness, and practicing mindfulness. Over the course of the next seven days let’s take a snapshot and assess your personal infrastructure.

What you will find is that when you start to bring even the tiniest amount of infrastructure into your personal life that you have in your professional life, you’ll see a shift in energy and momentum.

So, when you think break a habit, make a habit, focus on these five areas. You have to think systemically because there’s nothing more important than driving long-term sustainable growth.

What habits do you need to make in order to be successful?

Your triggers aren’t going away. Your thoughts are the result of decades of programming.

There’s the bad news.

The good news is you can do something about it!

The question is, what are you going to do about it? Through the implementation of a personal infrastructure, the discrete attention paid to making new habits, you now have the opportunity to systematically embrace your power of choice over a much longer time period that will enable you to achieve success.

And if you want to go deeper into the Fundamental Five and Personal Infrastructure, check out The Mindful Habit Online Program in which you’ll learn how to move beyond not doing ‘the thing’ toward creating a great life.

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