Read the Transcript of the Show:
[00:00:09] I am your host, Craig Pera, the founder of the Mindful Habit System. And I am honored and privileged that you are here listening to me today. Today, we’re going to talk about extortion. Now. Anybody who knows me knows that I do not lead from a place of fear. It’s unhealthy. It’s destructive. It doesn’t work long term. But that doesn’t mean that you. Rather listening to this podcast should should not be aware of the risks. And there is a rapidly rising risk that is happening to more and more of my clients, and that is the rapid rise in extortion. These extortion plots have resulted in suicide. They have resulted in suicide. That’s how bad they can get. And here’s what happens. Let me let me explain to you the facts. Okay, guys. Feeling lonely? Die, makes mistakes, goes online, starts searching for escorts. Maybe he saw it in a TV show. Maybe whatever triggered him to do that, he finds himself calling places now. When we men are in that place where we’re losing control, are we thinking security? Are we thinking operational security even if we’re in a security role? It is often the men who listen. We all know better, but we make ourself vulnerable. So what happens, guys, is Joe will make up a name. Joe calls the prostitute. Says, Hi, my name’s Joe. I like to schedule an appointment. Joe panics, says, What am I doing? There’s no way that I’m going to go forward with this. Joe hangs up. Joe. Does what he was trained to do, right, If he’s been in treatment. Right. Lying, compartmentalizing, sex addiction, porn addiction. Right. He took a few steps down the negative path, put the brakes on, and he thinks he’s done with it.
[00:02:52] But here is what’s happening in more often. And it is so important if you are out there. Chatting with strangers. Soliciting prostitutes. There are serious risks and those risks are increasing. Five years ago, I never had this issue. Never did it come up. I mean, we’re talking by that point six years of working with men, soliciting prostitutes and going to massage parlors. And never being extorted, ever. Now I see it all the time. There’s at least one call every two weeks. And I’ve had a number of clients recently. Who found their way to me after these transgressions. And here’s what they do. I want to I want to I want to I want you to understand this. And this is from a case. Who? The guy. Committed suicide. He felt so lost. He felt so confused. He didn’t know what to do. He felt that they were going to expose him because think and everyone listening to this. Think in the past how vulnerable you’ve made yourself. Maybe you’ve used your personal phone number. Your personal phone number is connected to your social media account. Now that they’ve got your personal phone number, now it’s connected to your social media account. They know who you are. They know where you work. They know what you do. They know your partner’s name. They know, Oh, they’ve got your LinkedIn profile. So. This is an invitation, a plea begging you. To be mindful of the risks that you are taking. And see. There’s an irony, right? Because the guys who really want to go through with it. This isn’t true for everybody, but there are places with reviews with some ability to minimize the risk. You have to pay for that. But there are things people can do to minimize the risk of law enforcement and extortion, etc., etc..
[00:05:16] Is there anything you can do to eliminate it? No. It’s the guys who aren’t who haven’t crossed the line yet like that or the guys who haven’t. Listen, this affects everybody. But but I’m noting there’s a population of men who didn’t cross the line and physically being in someone else’s present. They thought about it. And what is a really common practice in this space is what I call phishing. Do you connect with that? The fishing, the the you’re not catching anything, but you cast the net. That’s what I used to do. I used to waste a prostitute’s times. I would talk to them. I would ask them to send me pictures. I would reveal things about myself. And I got lucky. There was one time when I got pulled over that was a different story. I was very, very fortunate that despite exposing myself in so many ways, I did not excel. I was not extorted. So here, here’s here’s what happened. So this guy tried to block the number they called in other numbers, didn’t go to the police, Didn’t get a lawyer paid. Never pay. Never, never, never pay. Never pay. What about never pay? This is the time to lawyer up and to find someone in your locale who can help you do it quickly. And go to the police to help you take whatever problem you think you’re going to get is not just this. This family lost their father. This family lost their father because we’re wrong. We only want one payment. You wasted the person’s time. Wasted the person’s time. I called. I hung up. What do you mean? I wasted the person sign my name in schedule. The appointment? Yes, you did. No, I did it. Right. They’re going to they send pictures of violent scenes.
[00:07:18] They send pictures of guns. It’s scary. I’ve talked to people in it. I’ve talked to people in it. Like going through it. They are terrified. They are scared. They think it’s real. Meaning it’s a real person who’s scamming them. But it’s not a cartel. It’s not someone who’s going to physically hurt them. But you don’t know that. So. I want to give you some tips on what to do about it. But I just want to highlight for everyone who’s listening to think about your legacy and what is it that you want to accomplish because you’ve got to ask yourself, is it worth it? And if it’s worth it, take the steps to eliminate the risks for you brothers who are fishing. Stop. Stop. Stop. Certainly. Don’t be. I’m not going to tell you how to get around it. Okay. I’m not going to tell you how to be responsible. Don’t. This is. This is happening to so many people in this case, the court, the people, they’re going to be receiving felony charges. So. Please. As we go into 2023, I want you to do your own personal risk assessment. And when you do a risk assessment, you do what’s called an exposure analysis. Okay. Write that down. Exposure analysis. And for example, as an attorney, where I don’t practice law anymore, but when I used to, someone would come to me and they’d share with me, they were arrested for something. So as the attorney, I want to understand what is their exposure? What’s the worst that can happen? Well, they’re charged with two felonies. There’s a misdemeanor. Their exposure, the worst thing that could happen is exposure of 15 years in jail, for example. Right. Or if you’re analyzing a problem for work.
[00:09:29] Okay, here’s the problem. Here are the bad things that could happen if this problem materializes. I invite you to do an exposure analysis. And an exposure analysis is to look at your behaviors. And where are you going? Beyond. Where are the behaviors involving other people? That’s one way to evaluate risk. You might be chatting with people online. What exposure does that create? Are you now creating the potential extortion? Are you revealing things about yourself that could ultimately be dangerous to you and your family? Are you connecting with strangers? Are you sending pictures of yourself or are you doing things that could be later used against you? Because ultimately you want to be a man who has a legacy to be proud of. I don’t do these things. There’s an identity of them. No, I don’t take those risks. And for every man that crosses the line. There’s another one who said, No, no, I’m tempted. I’m curious. I’m wondering. It’s easy. Nine times out of ten, nothing bad will happen. But there’s no way, right? There’s no way that they don’t cross that line. So? So. So why? Y y drawing that line. And for those of you who are listening live, if you have any questions about extortion. And its connection to sex addiction. Please post them in the chat. Thank you so much for listening. And for those of you listening on recording on my podcast. If you want to join me live, please subscribe to me on YouTube, Facebook, Twitch, LinkedIn. And YouTube or Twitter. Think I might have left one out? So let me know in the chat if you have any questions about this. I could go on and on with each terrible story, with each painful thing that has happened.
[00:11:52] To so many different people with the thousands of dollars wasted. It’s. Really, really sad. And I don’t want you to. Get caught. I mean, there’s a couple of things that I just recommend. I recommend you talk to an attorney. I recommend you never pay. I recommend going to see a lawyer who knows what they’re doing. And you will find a growing number of people who understand that whatever you do, block, block, block by block. And I hope this was helpful. I hope this helped to be mindful of the risks that you are taking. Right. And you’re not. You’re not. Here’s the thing you need to do. When you do an exposure analysis, you’re not evaluating likelihood. You’re not doing likelihood. What is the likelihood of you being extorted maybe out of 100 times? I don’t know. Nowadays, God. Ten, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70. I’m exaggerating, but depending upon what site you’re finding your information and calling somebody. Seeking prostitution services. So when you do an exposure analysis and you look at the risk that you’re creating, what could happen? What are the possibilities? Right. Is there any possibility right now on this podcast that, you know, I’m doing something else, not look here in my hands. Right. Like, like, like there’s no risk. I’m recording a podcast. I mean, someone might hate it. Someone might think I’m an idiot, Someone might upload it to an adult site. I recently heard heard of my face appearing on. Anyway, I’ll keep you posted on this story evolves. I just learned something this morning. Haven’t even confirmed it, but I did see my mug in a screenshot, so. But. But. But. But my point is right. Risk. I might say something wrong. Risk might offend somebody, but.
[00:14:26] So what is the potential? What could happen? And if you are connecting and listen, we have seen evidence of people’s porn history being used by the government to leverage their people’s cooperation. So. I’m hesitating because there’s a whole bunch of other risks in terms of where you’re going, what you’re looking at, what you’re doing. Like. Like, like what story could someone say about you based upon your porn history? But think about that for a second. What look like Let’s take your the person who hates you the most. And if I’m talking like the you know, someone at work. Or someone is. So. I think about what what what story someone angry at you could create with what you’re watching. Think about that for a second. Right. And I’m thinking about what I used to watch. What would that look like? One of the things we learned as an attorney is picture your words blowing up in front of the 12 people on the jury, the judge, the bailiff, the people in the audience. Picture your words. Right. Imagine your porn history. I think of the risk that your porn history creates for you. I’m not saying that risk is going to materialize. Right. You’ve got the privacy, you got the phone, you’re in your bedroom. You’re alone. But exposure. What if you didn’t delete the history? What if someone saw it? What if you dropped your phone and someone picked it up and wasn’t able to discern that this was from a website that might have been full of only legal content, for example? How about. Man, we. Stop. Creating risks for ourselves that impact our legacy, that make our life worse. What if we only do things in alignment with the men that we want to be? We don’t take risks.
[00:17:22] Not because all they’re bad. And yeah, we of course we don’t want the bad things to happen. That was kind of the purpose of this podcast, to alert you to the bad things that are happening more and more and more. Yeah. So, yeah, but we don’t do that to ourselves because there’s an identity. Of someone who doesn’t do that. I don’t do that. I have something to be proud of. I’m building something. I’m proud of my relationship, so I’m proud of the life that I’m creating. I’m proud of the man that I’ve become. I don’t have that leakage. I’m not on the wrong track. And when I am, I quickly get back on. I have community, I have accountability. I’m proactively managing my parts. I’m. Practicing self-care, and that self-care is rooted in self-love. I care about myself. That’s the other side of this. That’s the potential. That’s feeding the right wolf, that’s meeting needs proactively. So if you are creating unnecessary risks in your life, please stop. Because while the chances are that. No, the bad things aren’t going to happen. Joe. Steve. Tom. Mike. Eric. Make up 20 guys names. Good men. Great men. Great men. Great men. Fathers love their families. Love their children. They made a mistake. They made a mistake. And this compounded the interest on that mistake in ways that they couldn’t even fathom could in appreciate. You’re now aware of the risk. Get your rocks off someplace else. Create healthy sexuality. Don’t create unnecessary risk for you and your family. And if you are creating those risks, when you look at your exposure analysis and you are engaging in behavior that could. Get you arrested. That could get you extorted. That could get you fired. You got to get help.
[00:20:06] You’ve got to get help. You can’t do it alone. It might be the free program. Smart recovery. Smart recovery, dot org. Smart recovery. One word, great free program. Maybe you connect more with 12 steps. I say, Hey, give that smart recovery a try. I like the science there. It’s very intriguing to me, very appealing to me. But find the whatever it is to do what you need to do to be healthy, to be happy. If you think you might connect with me, you can visit the website. Look at the core training option. The mindful habit dot com used a coupon code podcast. We have not changed that discount yet. We don’t offer this kind of a discount but I did it once and it’s still there. And I said, why not? You have the, you know, listening to me here and just my great gratitude for that. If you use the coupon code podcast for the core training program, you will get. 36% off life. As long as that’s available doesn’t have to be with me. I mentioned smart recovery. I mentioned 12 steps. Maybe your church has a group. Maybe your temple has a group. Do something. If you were pulled into this podcast by the word extortion and sex addiction. In your. Wheels are turning as you reflect on behaviors that you’ve engaged in. And upon reflection, those behaviors have created significant risk. To the great life that I want to create for myself. Let’s stop doing things that are making this journey harder. And if you can’t stop doing those things, get help, because there’s a lot of great stuff out there. Okay. Couple of book recommendations before we wrap up. I’m going to try to leave you with more free resources.
[00:22:12] This is not available for sale yet since I have the only copy for for those of you watching and not listening, the parts of me. Look at that awesome illustration. By Kelly Paisley and Scottie Hall. This is a great, great kid’s book on parts work. When it’s for sale, I’m going to let you know because you’re going to learn a lot about yourself with this book and the other book that I recommend that should be on everybody’s mandatory reading list is the book Atomic Habits by James Clear and the book No Bad Parts by Dr. Richard Schwartz. Okay. So some great resources for you there. Again, if you find yourself in your exposure analysis and you’re creating risks that you don’t want to create and you’re having trouble, stop, get help. I wouldn’t be here without my therapist, without my counselors, without colossally falling on my face over and over again. And in light of my behaviors. It was simple. If it was today, I’m certainly I would have added extortion to my problems. I just did stupid, stupid things and didn’t care about who knew. And even though. Even though I should have. I should have. Well, hang out for a second and see if anybody has any questions in the chat. For those of you awesome men and women who are joining me live, thank you so much for dedicating your time. And sharing the special time with me. Wish you much success with you, which wish you much love. Thank you for listening to sex afflictions and porn addictions. You only live once. Make it great. Embrace your power of choice and feed the right will.