Read the Transcript of the Show:
[00:00:12] You are listening to sex afflictions and porn addictions. I am your host, Craig Perra, and today we are going to talk about what you can do to avoid slips over the holidays. A quick story… Every year, come January, I say to myself, damn it, damn it, damn it. I need to do a better job helping my clients avoid stumbles or almost stumbles over the holidays. I always say to myself, I need to do a better job because. Because tis the season. This is the time when people screw up and there’s very, very specific reasons for it. I want to talk about some of those reasons. Wfhy the holidays are so triggering. I also want to talk about what to do about it. And I want to give you some very specific steps that you can use to take some action oriented steps going into this holiday season. So you swing into 2023 like kicking ass instead of dragging yourself into 2023 on the heels of excess. On healthy reward. Insignificance, not good enough… failure…. The pattern from potentially other holidays. For me, the holidays on one hand were great, were a celebration and it was always fun reconnecting with different people. But you know what else it was? It was also a time for me to get my reward. It was time for me to do whatever the fuck I wanted to do. I worked hard all year. I provided for my family. I did what I was supposed to do and frankly did well. So I had built into my programing this reward mechanism. And specifically going into the holidays with its excess, with its variabilities. Right? Everyone’s patterns are disrupted over the holidays. The increased impact on your central nervous system, seeing family, going to events, particularly if you’re going through this, and excess. Excess food, excess drink, excess marijuana, maybe excess other things. Unhealthy things. Unhealthier things. Excess. Excess and reward.
[00:03:14] That reward thing is very important for you to understand because while this behavior, whatever it is, whatever this behavior is, while this behavior is. If you’re here, right, some aspect of your sexual expression lying about it in most cases. But this behavior that you deem out of control. And as out of control and detrimental as it might be, it also is serving a purpose. It’s also meeting a need. It is also helping you regulate your central nervous system and deal with stress. Anxiety. Which are modern words for fear. It is a reward and understanding that will help you going into the holidays. So what do you do about it? Well, first step is to be proactive and identify a healthy reward. What are you going to do for you to honor the essence, the heart of this holiday season may be a spiritual one for you? What’s your healthy reward? What can you do so you’re able to check a box that says, Hey, I have been proactive, I have been intentional in getting that reward for myself. I’m meeting that need proactively instead of reactively. What can you do to get that healthy reward? That’s one thing that you can do. Be intentional about that reward. Because if you’re not, what happens? The addict part takes over. Hijacks the system, takes control. And does whatever this part does when it’s faced with those kinds of circumstances. Second. The other thing that is critical going into the holidays is to manage the risks, and that means you have to know what they are. So grab your pen, grab your paper, grab your cell phone and write those risks down. And one way to figure out what those risks are, because we’re creatures of habit… Look back. Look to past holidays. Where did the wheels come off the bus? Maybe you got intoxicated at a party. And that’s kind of on your list of things to do again. And that’s not healthy for you. This isn’t a no fun zone, by the way. This is great fun, joyous fun, abundant fun. But sane fun. Fun that’s going to make you feel better about yourself. Fun that is not going to make you worse. Fun that is in alignment with the man that you want to be. Not fun that is in conflict with the man you want to be. So back to the reward. You must be mindful. About that reward.
[00:06:30] In terms of managing the risks, what are they? If you’re going through discovery right now and this is a fresh event for you, I am so sorry. Going through it any time is difficult. More difficult over the holidays because some people know. Some people don’t know. Some people should know. Maybe someone close to you who would be helpful to share what you’re going through. Whatever they are. Make a list of those risks and what you want to avoid and be specific. Write down what can you do to prevent that risk from materializing. Or if it does, what can you do to mitigate its impact? We are simply bringing risk management one on one into your personal lives. So if, for example, you know that your partner is going to be in the presence of a family member, that might be very triggering, might be very upsetting. You know, sometimes it is what it is and not showing up isn’t an option. So be proactive. Be intentional. Know what you want to do. And that’s the third thing is have goals, have goals, have a sense of purpose going into this holiday season.
[00:07:58] What do you want to accomplish? When you come out of this holiday season, how do you want to feel about yourself? Going into this holiday season. Why are you celebrating in the first place? Why are you celebrating? Connect with that. Be mindful with and present with what we’re celebrating. And kindness. And a season of love. A season of generosity. A season of kindness, not a season of sex addiction and porn addiction and out of control in unhealthy. A season of purpose. A season of love. A season where you are in control. A season, where finally, finally, finally, finally yfou feel good about yourself. You have tools to map. You have a sense of purpose. And what I’d like you to do right now, if you are not driving. If you are in a safe place, join me by putting your hand over your heart. Sit up. Nice and tall. This is a posture of pride. I’m sitting up nice and tall, shoulders back and down, feet pressing into the ground. You can feel them bringing awareness to them. Relax the muscles in your toes and your feet. Feel the two bones of your butt pressing into the chair. And notice your breath. Pay attention to your breath. With your hand over your heart. Relax the muscles in your face. As you slow down and regulate your central nervous system. By slowing down your breath. And paying attention. We’re just going to take a minute. I didn’t notice, of course, the chattering mind, the thoughts, the pinball bouncing all over the place. Take some time to observe that. Gently refocus and turn your attention back to your breathing. Experienced this miracle of breadth. Wherever you are right now. Right now, right here you are. Present. Your hand is over your heart.
[00:11:18] I’d like you to repeat after me. I am worthy. Notice what comes up. Notice what comes up. Hand on your heart. Nice, big, deep breath. I am worthy. I love myself. Notice how awkward it might sound. You can even say it out loud. I love myself. Damn it. Even there, I emphasize the wrong part of the deed. I am worthy and worthy. I do not have to stay trapped in shame. I’m proud of what I accomplished. I may not be where I want to be, but dammit, I am working hard. I love myself. I want to forgive myself. I am worthy. Now, keep doing whatever you’re doing. Often those moments of solitude bring up a lot of negative thinking. And that’s okay, right? The problem isn’t the negative thinking. The problem is that we believe it. We listen to it. And so if that’s you, if you’re listening to your negative thoughts, if your porn has become a reflection of how you feel about yourself, if your relationships in jeopardy, if you are struggling, if you’ve moved beyond the podcast video realm, please consider getting help. Better Help is a wonderful resource. We’ve had a number of clients supplement our work with better help. We’ve had a number of people join our core training program. The coupon code for the core training program, which is 30% off. We don’t offer that, but it’s still up. So I’m going to tell you for the holidays and the coupon code is podcast. PODCAST and that will give you 36% off. I think it’s 36% off the core training program. And that for someone who’s looking who you know, isn’t in crisis, but someone who’s looking to kick things into high gear going into 2023, they want access to a weekly webinar. They want the mindful habits system packaged really, really neatly.
[00:14:34] So if that’s for you, check that out. If not, keep feeding the right wolf. Keep embracing your power of choice. And thank you so, so much for being on this journey with me. You don’t have any idea how much it means to me that you are listening to my voice right now. I see the numbers. I don’t know everybody. I don’t know everybody. But I do know that if you’re listening, you know shame. If you are listening, there is a great chance that deep inside your heart there is a profound, hopefully not too big hole for your getting help if the bigger it gets. But a sense of self-loathing and this habit of ours has come to be a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. So let 2023 use the momentum. Most New Year’s resolutions fail. Use the momentum of the new year, of the rebirth to say, I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I don’t like the way I feel after I’m done PMO or massage parlor or camming, whatever it is that you are doing. I don’t. I just someone used the word icky, right. And it was a great word, very childlike word. And it became like a diving board to dump off of jump off and get some really powerful help. Really, really awesome. So let me know in the chat as we wrap up this broadcast if anybody has any questions. So nice to see you, John. I show speed. Hello. Hello. Welcome. So we talked about avoiding slips over the holiday. So if you jumped in late, go back to the beginning and don’t take this one lightly. If you have come into January in the past miserable if if if you look back over the past 3 to 5 years and your holidays were a disaster or had aspects of them that were a disaster, or if you have new risks and new challenges going into this holiday season, be proactive.
[00:17:23] Go back to the beginning. Listen to the few steps that I gave you to help you manage those holidays better. I love you too, Nathan. You rock, my man. Thank you. Thank you. To be proactive. The holidays are supposed to be fun, but we all know, we all know, we all know. If you’re listening and you’ve made it this far, you know? You know, it wasn’t until I moved to California and I was experiencing holidays without being close to home, being close to my family, which I love. But there are issues. There’s always issues and challenges, patterns, patterns, habits that materialize over and over and over again. Well, I still had that same energy. I noticed it when I was out here. There was I wasn’t doing anything. It was just a few of us relaxing, a beautiful environment, safe. And I was like, I didn’t have all the distractions that I had back East and visiting this one and doing this one and doing that one. But my central nervous system was off. I was off. Was off in a really, really, really significant way. And I realize like, oh, there’s a lot of legacy stuff, old stuff, and we don’t realize it until it’s too late. If we realized it, there wouldn’t be a problem. So that’s why I wanted to record this broadcast, because I come every January. I say to myself, Damn, because listen, I can own someone’s failure, but I own the outcome, right? I’m not not like I blame myself, but I say, what can I do better? What could I have done better to help this person appreciate that their bandwidth for success, their system, which works well here, needs to expand. So it works well here. It’s able to absorb and cope with.
[00:19:39] The bandwidth of holidays, bandwidth of a death, bandwidth of a medical problem, bandwidth of a reward, a success of promotion. So that bandwidth has to increase and so use that going into the holiday season. Don’t let this be an exception. Oh, it’s the holidays. That’s an exception. I don’t have to do the things that make me successful. Now your routines will definitely fall off. But be mindful of the excuses that we make to stop taking care of ourselves. To stop loving ourselves, to find ourselves slipping into old patterns, not because we are bad people. And I use the word me. I love talking about how I find myself nibbling around the edges and how easy it is these days. Yahoo.com. Dua Lipa’s where in some kind of outfit that I’m supposed to be curious about. Like, every day there’s something we are saturated, saturated, saturated, saturated. For those of us who are not choosing the Amish way and still have access to the Internet, your game has got to be tight. You got to stay ahead of it. You got to stay on top of it. And you got to you know, we’re going to do a podcast on nibbling around the edges. Those have to be cues, triggers, prompts that say, oh. Wrong track. Wrong track. Get your leisure, get your relaxation. Get whatever it is you need to better emotionally and physically regulate. Don’t do it that way. I don’t do it that way. All right, my dear friends, thank you for joining me on this journey while together we embrace our power of choice and feed the right wolf. I will see you soon. Later on this week, make sure you like subscribe to whatever it is that you do. And privileged to be on this journey with you. Have an awesome week.