Read the Transcript of the Show:
[00:00:11] Hello, I’m Craig Parra, and you’re listening to Sex Afflictions and Porn Addictions. Privileged to be here. Happy New Year, everybody. I am so blessed and so privileged to be talking with you to kick off 2023. If you struggle with any form of compulsive behavior, if you’re not where you want to be, if you know you’ve got more in the tank, then I hope you get great value from this broadcast because we’re going to talk about purpose. But before I get into purpose and talk about why it’s so important. I want to give you a sense of where I’m at and I want to share with you that one is because there’s no universe going forward where you’re not vigilant. There’s no universe going forward where there’s no reality, where you’re not going to get punched in the face by life. So I want to share with you something that happened to me over Christmas break. We had been planning to go down to Florida to see my parent for a long time and a few weeks before we’re supposed to go my uncle, who I’m close with a very important part of the family, got sick and we said, oh, well, thank God we’re all going down there. We can be together. He had just golfed 18 holes. Bless privilege like an amazing man. And long story short, he died. So we had this family get together and a funeral. It was deep. It was heavy. And we’re celebrating my uncle today because when I was at my lowest point many moons ago and I had this ridiculous idea that I was going to be a life coach, that I had something to bring to the world. I had value. I had gifts. Most people said, get a life, get a job.
[00:02:18] You’ve put your family through enough. Cut it out. Cut it out. Get a job. Obviously I did not. He listened. He saw me. He asked me questions. He encouraged me. He reminded me how short life is. My Uncle Steve reminded me at that low point how short life is. And at that low point I had a mentor. I had someone in my life, a steward who pointed me in a direction. He encouraged me. And he said, Give it a shot. Why not? I know lots of people that run their own consulting business. Coaching business. Who do? I didn’t know. What does that even mean? He was there for me. And I want to be there for you. I want to be there for you. Because today we’re going to be talking about purpose. Why is purpose so important? Purpose is so important because to break a habit, you have to make the right habit that meets the right need. And as you dig deeper into understanding the needs that were being met by this behavior. The more you realize it’s like a geometric proof or a ledger, the left as the equals to the right. You need that spark, you need that sense of joy. You need something that you’re passionate about. You need you need to feed the right wolf. If you’re feeding the right wolf, you have purpose. If you’re feeding the right wall, you have purpose. That’s how important it is. Purpose is inconsistent with porn addiction. Inconsistent with sex addiction. So is it everything? No, it is absolutely not everything. These are complicated problems that we are trying to solve. And to my brother’s listening live, welcome. Say hi in the chat. Thanks for being here. If you have any questions, we’ll get to them towards the end.
[00:04:29] Those listening to this recording, I hope you received this in the spirit in which it is intended. So we’re going to do a guided meditation today and we’re going to do a guided meditation on purpose. My uncle’s dying and I do this every week in my group coaching program, and I haven’t done them here and I don’t know why, but I haven’t. So I’m going to do one with you today. So what you need to do is you need to clear out some space. You need about I’m going to try to be brief. But clear out about 20 minutes, have a notepad handy and all you have to do during the next 20 minutes is to close your eyes. And open them when appropriate and write something down. This is going to be one of those kinds of guided meditations. We have to make it actionable. I do not want to waste your time, but what I want to accomplish today is I want you by the end of this broadcast to have a sharper, a clearer image of your purpose, the barriers to that purpose. To have a deeper sense of that spark. There’s a great little hymn that I remember when I was a kid. This little light of mine, I’m going to let it shine and sing along with me. Right. If you know the song, this little light of mine, I’m going to let it shine. We used to sing it to kids in church. And that’s the light. And when you get deep into parts work and you understand the self and you’ve done that soul work, you see how important it is to cultivate that life and nurture that life. So no matter where you are now, if you’re too early in this journey, sometimes reflections on purpose are frustrating.
[00:06:20] If this is not for you, then simply don’t listen. If you’re finding yourself getting triggered, getting too upset, then shut it off. If this is upsetting to you in any way, don’t listen. Sometimes focusing on purpose can be upsetting to someone who is so, so, so far removed from purpose. That being said, don’t give up. If you are feeling frustrated. We’re going to push some buttons. You’re listening to me. You’re not where you want to be or you might not be where you want to be. I’ve got some long term listeners. I love you dearly and are exactly where you want to be. But there’s probably more on the tech. It is hard to cultivate that light. So what we’re going to do today is you’re going to and I invite you now to get comfortable if you need to pause this, if you’re listening. You can sit up nice and tall in a chair. You can lie back if you like. You’re watching can see me just lying back. This is a great position. The seat tilted back. If you lie down, you tend to fall asleep. We are going to use the suggestive power of the mind to shine a light on purpose, to hopefully better understand ourselves, have a clearer picture of what it takes for you to feed the right wolf. I break a habit. Make the right habit that needs the right need. What does that look like? There is a purpose theme. Wherever you are in your recovery journey, there is a purpose.. It may not be much right now, but I promise you it is important if you don’t find that in your job, brother, you’ve got to get it someplace else. You have to get to someplace else.
[00:08:02] Specifically, if you do not have it in your day to day, that day to day has to feed something else. This little light of mine. I’m going to make it shine. Join me. If you’re ready. I’m ready. What I’d like you to do right now, if you’re not driving and it’s safe to do so, close your eyes and take a nice, big deep breath. What I want you to do now is just notice. Just notice first what we’re going to do here is we’re going to help relax the body. Because if we can relax the body, we can get you into a place where the mind is more open, the heart is more open, it is more pliable, and you have the capacity to be more vulnerable. So take a minute. Just taking a nice big deep breath and nice big breath out. Relaxing the muscles in your face. Inhales like an expansion. Exhale is like a release. Exhale is like a release. Don’t forget. Make sure you have that notepad handy. Do not proceed. Pause this if you do not have your notepad handy. And of course, if you’re listening live, you can come back and listen to it later. So specifically, we’re going to relax a few specific body parts, and this is going to take about three or 4 minutes. And you’re going to see how much power you have to relax your body in a very short period of time if you’ve never done this before. Mindfulness is so important right at that. You must know what it is. You must begin your mindfulness journey. Relax the muscles in your forehead. Your eyebrows, your temples, your nose. LAX. Attention around your mouth, your lips. I am paying attention to. The face isn’t just woo woo mumbo jumbo.
[00:10:19] It’s helping you dial into the physiology of your different moods. I bet when you study your liar part, you will see that liar part has its own spatial musculature. Your angry part is very, very active in the face, the defensive part that has a face, the appeasing, acquiescing, lying. There’s a face for it. There’s a mask for. So paying attention to your face right now is very important and a lot of people overlook it because they want to get to the give me the purpose. Start with this intro stuff. But thank you for trusting me. Move your jaw back and forth. At that face nice and relaxed. Have that notepad handy. One thing to keep in mind. Sometimes these kinds of exercises result in what is perceived as an absolute disaster. It’s not. But it’s perceived that way and everything in between. Because I’m going to ask you to think about purpose related things. And sometimes the mind is flooded with negative thoughts. The mind is buried with what you know, you should’ve done it. Woulda, coulda, shoulda. It’s very triggering, can be very upsetting exercise. But I invite you to do is to ride that wave. Ride that wave. And when you have those negative thoughts, don’t do anything with them. Allow them to be. Just. Yup. All true. Should have started a year ago, but I didn’t. And back to your breathing. Back to the exercise. Back to purpose. So it’s a gentle. It’s not a fight. It’s a gentle. Oh, okay. Hey, thank you for sharing. I’d almost like a kid. Like a kid, by the way, that you should have that mindset. If you’re beating yourself up and you’re abusing that power, you will always lose in a fight against yourself.
[00:12:26] So during this work, sometimes other parts come up. And if you have an aggressive part, an ugly part, a mean part, acknowledge it. Write it down. Journal. Right. Write it down, journal it and and something you can talk about with your therapist if you have one. These meditations are great for exposing our different parts. So my point is, whatever comes up during this exercise, let it come up. Don’t do anything with it. Don’t fight it. Let it go. Watch it. It’ll go. When you return your focus back to your breathing. When you return your focus back to purpose. And the exercise that we’re going to be doing is based upon a great article that I love sharing with clients called The Power of Purpose. I’m going to put that in the chat and I’ll post it at the blog. Hope you like it. It’s a neat way to help you dial up that purpose. Right? And so many of us are so far removed from purpose. So in the spirit of 2023, let’s continue this exercise. So notice those negative thoughts. Notice positive thoughts right now. Notice the thoughts right before we paid attention to the face, the muscles. Right now we’re paying attention to the mind, the thoughts. Throughout this practice, there’ll be an endless back and forth. All I ask is that you gently bring your focus back to your body, back to your breathing. Back to our goal today, which is to help you better understand your purpose. So I’d like you to notice what comes up when you examine your life story for major threads or themes that reveal your lifelong gifts, passions and values. What comes up when you think about that? What do you see? What do you notice? What do you do well?
[00:14:34] What are you passionate about? What lights that fire or what did light that fire? We’re examining all sources of purpose because what was purpose then isn’t purpose now. But it might be a thread we can pull. So as you look throughout your life and so many of us go back to childhood. We certainly want to live lives where that’s not the only sense of purpose that we’ve ever had. Right? What energizes you to get up each morning with intention and joy? As you eyes closed. Imagine this light and it’s easy to go big. We’re going to go big. But what I want you to think about now is what if you were a tiny bit closer to your purpose? An important step, but a small one? What are some small things that you might be able to do to move you towards your purpose? What is one action you can perform? So, no, we don’t just want to focus on purpose today. We want to think about the systems around purpose. The systems around purpose. So continue to imagine. Imagine what captures your essence. What do you do that just lights up the room that lights you up, that lit you up. I will call you to action. What inspired you? Yeah. If you if you were if you had to check this box on a form, are you feeding the right wolf and you answer yes… What are you doing? If you were forced to make up a purpose statement in the next 10 seconds, what would your purpose statement be? Whatever comes out of your mouth, which just rattles off that. I want to help people. I want to do this, I want to do that. I need this. I want that. Which just pops up write that down.
[00:16:24] What would you do? What would you be doing? If you woke up energized and excited about the day ahead. And that’s what we’re doing now, we’re imagining. So all data points are valid. There might be a big goal. There might be a small goal. We want to bring clarity, clearer and clearer ness towards towards purpose, not make it crystal clear. What are you doing? If you feel good about your life and you’re grateful. Grateful? Feel good? What are you doing when you’re able to say I found ways to offer my gifts and talents to the world? I’m excited and hopeful about the future. What are you doing when you’re able to lie down at night feeling that your day was well lived? Now, if anybody came up with a purpose statement, can you be more specific? Where is the purpose gap in your life right now? Where is the whole. And notice how you carry yourself. In this visualization, if you are able to cultivate some picture in your mind. It could be a hobby. Maybe you’re frustrated because you don’t have purpose in your work, although you do help people in some way, and that’s important. Where else outside of your job might you need purpose or. Is it time? To start thinking about a new job. My executive mentor told me. ABL always be looking. Company would drop you in a heartbeat. That’s just good business sense. Finger on the pulse, aware of the opportunities. You’re grounded. You’re connected. You have a deep sense of gratitude. You’re connected with people in your life who you connected with. You have balance. You have the courage to face your adversities head on. I know what I’m good at, and I use my gifts to make a difference in people’s lives.
[00:18:39] Let’s take another couple of minutes and just notice. What you see. And where might you need mentorship in your life? I promise. This is a sales pitch for the program. My uncle was there for me. A nudge wasn’t everything. I’m not going to tell you that it wasn’t. But it was an important something. So where might you need mentorship right now? Where might you need help with your purpose? Who in your circle might be able to give you guidance or how might you have to expand your circle? To connect with someone may be further down the line than you are. Maybe someone who’s taken their purpose to a whole nother level. Okay. What’s your circle? Where do you need mentorship, guidance and support? We all do. And men, we’re trained to isolate. Train to. No, we got it. No problem. Recovery. Great life. We need community. You need mentorship. You can’t build great things without someone helping you. Open your heart to that right now. Breathe into that purpose. So you can feel that fire. Just a teeny tiny bit brighter that you did now than when we started this exercise. Notice the discomfort in the silence. All grist for the mill. All right. Take a nice big deep breath in any last minute, you know, ideas or thoughts or brainstorming. Things you had going on in your mind regarding your purpose. Take a few seconds for that now. If you’re further along in your parts journey and there’s a part that maybe needs some attention, but you can’t give it to them now. Do whatever you got to do. This part and that You’ll be back. Take a nice big deep breath, then big, big, big exhale. And that concludes our purpose. Guided meditation.
[00:21:10] But you’re not done. You are not done. You. I beg you. I beg you. Make you beg. You beg you beg you. You. Please do not listen to this entire broadcast and not come out of it having taken notes. Okay. What we’re looking for is this going to slingshot someone to their trajectory in purpose? Possibly. Every once in a while, I get somebody who, like, was really touched by something that we did and were really inspired. But this will build on it. This will build on it. This will make it a priority for you. I want you to start thinking about it more. How? Not only what is my purpose? How do I operationalize my purpose? How do I weave my purpose into the fabric of my reality? And that is the system’s challenge. There’s a lot of great resources out there. On purpose, you know, finding that purpose. And they’re great. They’re great. They’re great. On the operationalizing. Purpose is really boring. Morning routine. Afternoon. Routine. Evening routine. On purpose. Check in with wife purpose. Check in with family purpose. Check in with business partners. Purpose plan, purpose statement. I mean, there’s. It’s. It’s exciting. And it’s. Reality. But the systems component to the purpose piece isn’t as exciting. But don’t ignore it. Don’t ignore. Read the book Atomic Habits and you will learn and you will agree with me. I promise that you cannot have goals without systems to accomplish those goals. You cannot have goals without systems to accomplish those goals. Well, I just want to say thank you so much for joining me on this ride. Who’s listening now? Rob, what’s up, my man? Thank you for being here. If you want to join us live, follow me on YouTube, Facebook, Twitch, LinkedIn and Twitter and you’ll get a notification when I go live.
[00:23:20] We don’t do it in the schedule yet, although I should. And I plan on trying to get everything all lined up. I’m really excited and honored and blessed that you’re listening to me. It is a great privilege. It is a sacred, sacred honor. And trust me, I do not take it for granted. I hope you got value in this purpose exercise. Remember, It’s not everything. It’s not because some of you are in other places right now, and there’s other things that you need to focus on. Take 5 minutes vision board, print out of an image of that inspire to put it on your you know at that moment something some small way to. That’s it. Okay. This is important. This is important. This life is going to burn. That’s the other side of this. This light has the burn and you are the primary steward of that fire. You are the primary steward of that fire. All right. Embrace your power of choice and feed the right Wolf. It’s an exercise by everybody.