- The allegations against Harvey Weinstein include multiple accounts of sexual harassment, even sexual assault.
- Craig reflects on ways he has acted like Harvey Weinstein.
- This situation should force all men to look at our own behavior
- How have we violated consent by objectifying, sexualizing, or even harassing others?
I Behaved Like Harvey Weinstein
This Harvey Weinstein mess has really gotten me doing some deep reflection.
As I am sure you’ve heard, Harvey Weinstein, a massive figure in Hollywood, has been accused by numerous women of inappropriate behavior, sexual harassment, all the way to sexual assault. I’m not going to detail the allegations. You can read about them. He’s saying that it was all consensual and he wants to be given a second chance.
What Does That Have To Do With Me?
When I first read that article, it forced me to look in the mirror and remember the woman in the copy room when I was a licensed attorney.
Did I exploit that power dynamic?
The answer is unequivocally yes.
Did I sexually harass?
The answer is unequivocally yes.
Did I objectify?
I guess I just had to say that.
I had to put that out there.
It’s hard to say.
I’ve done those things.
All with a smile.
All with positive intentions.
All with helping people.
What About You?
Now, I guess I’m asking you, my brother with power – my brothers with authority – what is this story saying to you about you? What does it say about manhood? What does it say about masculinity?
I mean, this is the golden dream, right?
You get rich. You have women. You hit on women. Women like it when you hit on them. You become significant. Napoleon Hill calls that sexual drive, one of the most powerful drives in us, that drive to reproduce, to mate. Powerful, powerful, powerful drive, our innate wiring for variety, which is why porn is so appealing.
Here’s the epitome of power. Guys whipping out his dick, jerking off in front of people. Fuck that shit. Look at it. Like, I’m the king, mother fucker.
Think about that power.
When you think of that word power, doesn’t that imply some kind of subservience?
This whole thing got me thinking a lot about how I’ve conducted myself in the past and the future of the American male. What does he look like? What does he look like? There’s hypersexual, right? That’s been part of our culture. Hit it and quit it. Get it. How many? These perspectives are ingrained in us as men. The cat calling, the objectification of women, the outright sexual harassment.
In this wake of this scandal, there are a lot of women right now feeling empowered. You can feel the energy of women say, “I am not going to suffer this in silence.” And then using the power dynamic to exploit consent.
That’s something else we need to talk about.
What is consent?
When we think of sexual behavior, sexual attitudes, we want that to be consensual.
But what can manipulate consent?
Power dynamic, employment status, age.
Those things can blur consent, cloud it, exploit it, expressly violate it.
You’ve got this super rich guy and just doing what culture and the movies and the media have taught him to do – what’s expected of him – to objectify women.
Look in our advertising.
Look in our market.
Look in our pornography.
What does the evolution of man look like?
Here is someone at the pinnacle – at the top – being brought down for violating, exploiting, that power dynamic consent.
If his behavior was consensual, there wouldn’t be the problem.
He gets his freak on. This is what he does. If he’s open and honest about it and his wife’s okay with it, he’s okay. That clearly wasn’t the case. You’re seeing case after case of situations where consent was blurred and allegations of consent being expressly violated.
Here’s his response:
“There were never any acts of retaliation today against any woman for refusing his advances.”
Well, it certainly couldn’t have helped their opportunities, could it?
She rejected me.
She had the audacity to reject me as I stood there and masturbated in front of her or touched her when I wasn’t given permission to.
Think of all the incredible women whose projects died because of this. What would have been born if Harvey Weinstein was a sexually evolved man of integrity.
He believes that all of these relationships were consensual. He has begun counseling. He has listened to the community. That, I thought, was interesting. He’s hoping that if he makes enough progress he will be given a second chance. Think of what that karmic deposit needs to be for him to make up for that.
Do unto others
Think about and ask yourself the hard questions.
Are you exploiting your position of authority?
Are you using that power with kindness and love for a profit motive?
Is there honesty and integrity in how you view and treat women?
Think about what sexual jokes you have made in the workplace.
Do you know what sexual humor is actually appropriate under the law where you wouldn’t find yourself in trouble?
There isn’t any.
No place should there ever be sexual comments in the workplace unless you’re in Hollywood and you’re working around those situations. Think of the writers in the room creating shows where these things are being portrayed on camera. It’s a crazy, crazy place. It’s a crazy place. I’ve gotten to learn a teeny tiny bit about it. There’s a joke around the casting couch, right? What did you do to get that place? It completely undermines the integrity of what women have accomplished.
Look in the mirror
Do you have a little Harvey in you.
I have some in me.
I’m not proud of it.
I’m just being honest about it.
I want to understand that part of me. I want to recognize where I am projecting or oogling and objectifying and sexualizing. I think the word, the word that I frame, the word that I like is consent.
There’s something about consent, what you consent to in your body. I noticed I would violate my own consent when I would push my body to do things that cause lasting pain. Yoga has taught me to engage and consent with my body, to do things that it consents to do. It’s really had a deep, deep impact.
When I think about oogling or objectifying or sexualizing someone else, I think of that word consent.
That person, that human being, that soul, that person who maybe loves the same TV shows I do, that honors and respects family, that loves puppies, did not consent to me taking that visual and exploiting it.
That word – consent – is a really relevant.
We should all take some time to reflect in our lives where we’ve blurred that consent, how you’ve clouded the consent, how you’ve manipulated consent in the pursuit of sex, in the pursuit of significance, where have you manipulated consent and how.
It’s a really important time to look in the mirror.
That’s what I’m doing, looking in the mirror.
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